Defiant Wisdom

Tag: emotional evolution

Narratives that track growth, reframing, or psychic maturation — often after rupture, confusion, or self-reckoning.

  • The Exclusion

    The Exclusion

    The Dream

    Herb school. Near but not close.

    Chit chat,
    arrangements.

    “May I join you?”
    I am small.

    Silence.

    “It’s OK.”
    I leave.
    Even smaller.

    SMS

    “You’re not welcome with us.”

    Report?
    Ignore?
    Respond?

    I expand.

    The Meaning

    herb school
    Community without belonging.

    small
    I make myself less before anyone asks.

    rejection
    There’s nothing left to interpret or accommodate.

    expanding
    No more shrinking. Being excluded doesn’t define me.

    What Lingers…

    What if belonging doesn’t matter when exclusion loses power?

    Marginalia

    There’s a difference between fearing you’re out of place and having it confirmed. But once the proof is there? It allows you to get out of your head and decide. What next?

  • Trapped and Held

    Trapped and Held

    The Dream

    I miss the ball as it rolls off the cliff.

    I scramble,
    I peer.

    The stone hand saves it from the sea.

    I point,
    they abseil,

    Down

    to its rescue.

    The cliff,
    I face.

    A rope,
    I climb.

    Too short,
    I slide.

    More rock,
    less steep.

    Too smooth,
    I cry.

    Panicked,
    I call.

    It’s OK,
    She reassures.

    I am…
    I’m scared.

    My eyes
    shut tight.

    The Meaning

    the ball
    Something goes wrong. I instinctively become responsible.

    the stone hand
    I fear loss, but the problem is held.

    rescue
    In my attempt to rescue, it’s now me who needs saving.

    the rope
    Solving the problem myself can only take me so far.

    fear
    I stop pretending I can do it all myself, and I admit, I’m trapped and scared.

    help
    Support will come. But knowing I’ll be OK and feeling safe are not the same.

    What Lingers…

    What happens when rescuing creates its own danger?

    What if reassurance can be true but safety needs to be felt?

    Marginalia

  • Bang Bang Bang

    Bang Bang Bang

    The Dream

    Bang Bang Bang.

    Crouch.
    Be small.
    No.
    Smaller.

    Window.

    Climb.
    Jump?
    No.
    Hesitate.
    BANG BANG BANG.

    Fall…

    Thump.

    Shoes, 
    not right.

    Laces,
    too tight.

    Hurry!

    Traffic.

    Run!

    Car.
    Bang Bang Bang.
    Stop!

    He’s here.

    The Meaning

    danger
    My survival begins by making myself smaller while I assess the situation.

    hesitation
    Even when an exit is available, it comes with its own risk.

    shoes
    What would usually enable me, now suddenly hinders movement.

    car
    A fatal danger, and also my escape.

    him
    Holding out long enough. I’m no longer alone.

    What Lingers…

    What if survival is holding out long enough for help to arrive?

    What if the solution only appears after every available escape has demanded courage?

    Marginalia

  • A Wall of Snow and Ice

    A Wall of Snow and Ice

    The Dream

    trot
    trot
    trot.

    A wall 
    of snow and ice.

    He climbs down.
    My horse rears up.

    How do I pass,
    without breaking 
    my ass?

    “Use that bridge over there,”
    says
    the horse.

    The Meaning

    wall
    The way forward feels impossible to navigate safely.

    him
    He finds his own way. His solution isn’t mine.

    horse
    A part of me that’s sensitive to danger and assesses before acting. It has insight to share, if I’m willing to listen.

    bridge
    The obstacle is real, but the obvious way around it isn’t the only way. Looking only at what blocked the way made it easy to miss what already existed.

    What Lingers?…

    What if the way forward has been present all along, just beyond the problem?

    What if wisdom speaks from the place where panic cannot?

    Marginalia

  • My Secret DNA Family

    My Secret DNA Family

    The Dream

    My secret DNA family
    descend upon my mother’s house.

    Bags, suitcases, luggage galore.

    “We’re so sorry,”
    they apologise.

    “They’re not here,
    they’re in
    Peru.”

    The Meaning

    family
    The hidden lineage has been unearthed. Open arms replace denial.

    luggage
    History arrives with more baggage than can ever be unpacked.

    my mother’s house
    Arriving where absence, secrecy and rejection were inherited.

    Peru
    Connection, but more of the story remains elsewhere.

    What Lingers…

    What if finding family doesn’t resolve their absence?

    When hidden history finally arrives at the door, what happens?

    Marginalia

    This isn’t the first time my dreams have prompted me to dig further into lineage. The house that contains everything was instrumental. And now, Peru is on the table. 

  • Mea Culpa

    Mea Culpa

    The Dream

    Accessory
    to murder.

    Many years
    ago.

    The weapon
    gone in amnesty.

    He was a
    wrong’un.

    Thief!

    She harbours
    truth,

    decency
    and fault.

    Her patio
    withholds his dead.

    She was a
    wrong’un.

    The Meaning

    accessory
    Feeling shame and guilt over past actions, words and events that weren’t completely within my control. A reckoning with what responsibility means when knowledge, agency and understanding are limited.

    concealment
    There’s a desire not to be discovered for past actions or mistakes. But keeping the past buried requires something of the present self too.

    What Lingers…

    Can guilt can be carried without it becoming identity?

    What if reconciliation needs truth, not lifelong punishment?

    Marginalia

    Shame, guilt and rumination bring the past into present. Memories I thought long dealt with still arrive unexpectedly. I find myself wondering why they return. Already dealt with, I remind them.
    Shush.

  • After the Drain

    After the Drain

    The Dream

    Commercial bank
    warm and
    rank.

    Its fish
    dead
    or dying.

    Dial
    RSPCA.

    Sewage
    drains

    sludge
    remains.

    Fresh water
    pours.

    No.

    It’s still the same.

    The Meaning

    pond
    The bank of emotions needs its poisoned swamp draining of waste before it’s refilled.

    What Lingers…

    What if emotional renewal requires more than refilling? What if it demands a purge?

    What if healing can’t begin until the waste is named, not just drained?

    Marginalia

    Sometimes, life needs a clear-out. We collect experiences and relationships that aren’t always beneficial. Much like the resurfacing of old memories in The X Files, here my dreams are demonstrating how a new environment can be just as harmful if what was originally toxic remains present.  

  • Their Old House

    Their Old House

    The Dream

    Mum’s kitchen.

    I make
    soap.

    Open
    the window
    away
    it blows.

    Undergrowth
    cradles glass.

    Unbroken.

    Sigh.
    I mend.

    I worry.
    Another thing
    he cannot
    fix.

    The Meaning

    soap
    Creation. I’m trying to make something gentle and caring.

    family home
    My origin and foundation.

    broken window
    The structure of familiarity is being ripped from my hands and I’m powerless.

    a temporary fix
    I’m relieved; it’s not as bad as I’d feared. The repair will hold for now, it will buy some time, but things are changing; they’re not the same anymore.

    worry
    I’m trying to protect Dad; I don’t want him to be burdened, but there’s the realisation that this person isn’t who they used to be.

    What Lingers….

    What if we can’t make things be as they once were but accept how things are now?

    Marginalia

    My Dad has broken his shoulder. The house is falling apart. I’m unable to fix these things. The situation calls for a different side of me as I swap places to nurture those who once nurtured me.

  • Two Donkeys

    Two Donkeys

    The Dream

    Toy donkeys
    wander city roads.

    Ears.
    A bow in spotted red.

    Ha!

    Toy donkeys

    No!

    Real donkeys?

    One skittish,
    the other, calm.

    Phone box.
    RSPCA?
    No space?
    What?

    But they’re not mine.

    The Meaning

    donkeys
    Life’s inconveniences. They wander in and demand attention.

    RSPCA
    I try to reallocate the problem. To the person whose job it should be.

    responsibility
    Responsibility arrives through proximity. I noticed; now I’m involved.

    What Lingers…

    What happens when conscience becomes responsibility?

    What if responsibility arrives before consent?

    Marginalia

    Life isn’t a funfair, it’s messy, sometimes absurd, and takes up space. My dream hands me two problems. There’s a reluctance from me. I tried to redirect to the proper authority. These are not my problems and yet I’m left dealing with them anyway.

  • The X Files

    The X Files

    The Dream

    Old memories,
    return
    rerun.

    She didn’t make it,
    that woman.

    You.
    Stitched in.
    You mean nothing.

    Don’t you?

    The Meaning

    old memories
    Not all memories dissolve on contact.
    Some stay lodged until the body feels safe enough to unearth them.
    Healing isn’t a delay, it’s timing.

    What Lingers…

    What if the body stores what time alone can’t dissolve?

    What if release depends not on will, but on safety that never comes?

    Marginalia

    We know that painful memories can be hard to process, but what happens when they resurface years later like fresh cuts, unannounced and unprepared for?

    I don’t think our bodies want us to return there; instead, I think it’s a passage forward. To allow us to reframe with fresh, compassionate eyes. To help us let go.