The Dream

Herb School.
The teacher got the wrong impression of me.
I confronted them—
their bias couldn’t sit.

—

Shouting at my son,
I was trying to get him ready.
We were going to be late.
That would be another thing
against me.

The Meaning

teacher
Profiled before.
It’s happening again.
But this time, I don’t absorb it.
I push back.
That’s new.

rush
I’m not just late—
I’m being watched.
Every stumble, another mark.
I snap at my son,
trying to prove I’m competent.
At his expense.

Old stories and shame cycles are replaying, but this time I’m doing something different. I’m calling it out and noticing my behaviour for what it is. Internalised perfectionism and desire to be seen for who I am, not for others’ projections.

What Lingers…

What if pushing back is progress— even when the system still keeps score?

Is competence worth it if the cost is compassion?

---

Marginalia

I’m waiting to begin a new herbal medicine course, and this dream is revisiting old fears from being a lone parent student as a young woman. This is the third in a series of herb school dreams.

In Incense Blocks & Period Costumes, I weigh old ways against new.
In Fireweed and Bunny Munro, I’m lost but eager to learn.
In I Was Late, Afterall, I abandon my own needs for accountability.
In Flawed but Trying, I’m exposed in my mess while defending my son.

Journaling helps to show me the bigger picture of what my subconscious is trying to do.