The Dream
Living in a house
with another family.
It was decorated
in the Addams Family style—
I loved it.
We’d just bought
a new alligator
for the hallway.
I was turning some lights off;
it was too bright.
—
I picked a man
to partner with.
I knew
he would be a good father
to my children.
—
Old work colleagues
joined me at the house.
We were happily reunited—
jovial.
—
I was getting ready
for a lecture.
I was so late.
As I entered the hall,
everyone
was leaving.
The Meaning
the alligator in the hallway
My inner beast has become a decorative accessory. Having finally got a grip on that energy, I’ve placed it front of house. This indicates I’m not hiding the more fearful elements of my personality and whilst they’re no longer in control of me, they serve as a warning to all who enter.
turning off the lights
I’m managing the energy in my space. Too bright? That’s overstimulation. I’m not seeking clarity at all costs. I don’t need every corner of my psyche floodlit; mystery and shadows are part of the package now.
choosing a father
Intentional choices, not just for romance, but legacy. I’m not dreaming of being saved, I’m choosing a reliable co-pilot.
old work colleagues
Reconnecting with past versions of myself, or perhaps reconciling with abandoned parts of my identity. It’s jovial, not regretful. These are my professional ghosts, and now they’re guests in my new kookie home.
missing the lecture
I’m scrambling for something—knowledge, approval, relevance—and yet I’m arriving too late. Everyone’s leaving. There’s a fear inside of lost time, of missing out.
What Lingers…
What if taming the inner beast doesn’t mean hiding it?
What if wisdom doesn’t come from the lecture hall, but shows up in hallways and hindsight?
Marginalia
Looking back on this dream, it has the cringe energy of “Welcome! Come on in,” followed immediately by “Watch the alligator—he bites.” I explore this a bit more in my poem What I Carry Isn’t All Mine.
It takes time to feel okay with the parts of yourself that aren’t exactly socially smooth—like dropping truth bombs or asking questions that make people squirm.
